Fatherless Father’s Day times 2

As Father’s Day gets closer, we get bombarded with publicity everywhere about wonderful dads , they look happy with their kids and you read stories about how much they love them and how they would do anything to protect them and provide for them, but unfortunately that’s not how the story goes for everyone, for different reason there are many children without a father, I am one one of those.

First it didn’t affect me, as I grew a little and started school I started to feel that something was missing, I look around and it was so strange, there were this happy men picking up my friend , calling them ” my princess ” asking how their day was and telling them how much they were loved. So I went home and asked about my dad, my mother decided the best thing to do was to tell me my father was dead , somehow I didn’t believe her but I had to accept it, I guess the truth was a bit to harsh for a child to understand. The void continued every time I saw a happy family or my friends playing with their dads or dads being supportive I got a bit sad, it wasn’t jealousy, I was happy for them but I covet for that as well.

As a teenager I accidentally  found out the truth at my grandmothers house, my father was alive, married and had 2 other daughters and was living in another country , one of my sisters was less than a year younger than me which I found confusing, but I was so happy, I had always secretly wanted to find out I had a family, that some miracle would happen and I would have what everyone else seemed to have and give for granted. I was about 12 back then, but I finally met him when I was 17.

Since I was a child I tried to convince myself that I didn’t miss my father, after all how can you miss someone you have never met ? And I was right I didn’t miss my father but I miss a father, how can I meet this man now and pretend to love him? He willingly left me as a baby, he was never there when I was ill, scared,s ad , he never protected me, taught me to ride a bike, picked me up if I felt down, not only that but leaving my mother to do a job meant for 2 people make her frustrated, resentful and usually tired,  and guess who she took it out on ? me, yes me, there was no one there to run to, no one to protect me from her frustration turn into anger,  did he ever think of that ? No he didn’t , in fact he didn’t even tell my sister about my existence, therefore robbing me the opportunity to meet them and bond with them. In many ways this person made my life miserable and never looked back, he created me and took off.

As an adult now I realize I suffer from something call fatherless daughter syndrome,which I think is what people call daddy issues. I didn’t realize for a long time , it seems when you suffer from this syndrome you either shut yourself to love and trust  or do the complete opposite and smoother whoever you are with trying to fill the void you have had for too long, I write this post to everyone out there that feels this way, the feeling there is something missing and they don’t know what it is, that feel they aren’t worth it and that why they were abandon, for all those who acted out , got drunk too often , look for comfort with many different men, you shouldn’t feel guilty, you should be proud of the person you are today when you were handed a more difficult life from the start, but you made it, it’s difficult to believe you are worth it when the person who is suppose to love you unconditionally left you without a second thought but that reflects of the kind of man they are not the kind or person you are.

A few decades ago you couldn’t just leave your children that easily, families didn’t let their sons just walked out and abandon someone about to have their child, they were force to get married and take responsibility, I think is wrong that they were force to get married if they weren’t in love but then again they shouldn’t be doing something that could potentially create a child with someone they didn’t love if they knew they could be consequences as big as creating (and ruining peoples lives), but they should take responsibility and not only about providing for them  but being there emotionally and physically, nowadays it’s so different in makes me sick, no one says anything, not his family, not his friends, not colleagues from work, no one,  in fact in developed countries where abortion is permitted, the man would bully the woman into an abortion if she refuses he will tell her she is stupid for not taking the ” easy” way out and that she is an idiot. It’s appalling to see that it’s not only the men to have taken this view but other people too, saying to the women well you ” chose” this so you knew what you were getting into, making them feel guilty because they didn’t get rid of their babies. Now with all this gender equality how can things be so unequal in this matter ? The man leaves his baby , doesn’t care at all, continues with his life filled with parties, holidays , rugby matches, every sort of celebration whilst the mother it’s magically trying to do a job for two people, if a mother would dare to leave the child to the care of the father the world would go crazy, call this mother every name under the sun, in fact even if this single mother that has a 24/7 job dares to take a few hours to meet with a friend the first question asked will be ” where is your child ? Does anyone ever stops to ask a man that has children where they are child ? The answer is no. Even the people that know this man has a child that he isn’t living with by his own choice, people avoid completely asking about that baby’s whereabouts. They can even see this man dating a woman whilst he had another one expecting his child and still no one will ask him” hey how about you baby ?People want to stay neutral, they don’t want to get involve, it’s such a different story for women thought it’s really sad.

But there are some wonderful fathers out there , most of my friends can’t even think about not being close to their children, they become better people for them so we should celebrate them, fathers are completely underestimated in our society, people still don’t understand how damaging its to walk away from your  children,t hat according to the statistics most teenage pregnancies, runaways, young delinquents, school drop outs, and many others come from broken homes, and still a father walking away isn’t frown upon. We should reflect on this, maybe if we weren’t making it so easy for men to walk away by accepting it as if was the most normal thing in the world to abandon your child and keeping quiet about how not taking responsibility, will in one way or another destroy someone’s life, they would stop and think twice before they get themselves in this situations. No one deserves to be abandon, no child should grow up with so much pain, every child should be protected and loved, every child should be more important that a man keeping his freedom of going out and having fun non stop whilst damaging a child for ever as collateral damage. We need to change.